Sex, Lies and Money

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I have been thinking about the issues of sexual predatory behaviors, in work places and abusive marriages, and how it relates to our beliefs around money.  Sexual abuse has the ability to keep us captive in a bad circumstance because we choose to believe that the person abusing us is the main source of our money flow.  We take a job, find out the boss wants sexual favors and we stay because we believe that this job is the best (or only) job we can get.  We believe that if we let go of the job, or the spouse, we will be destitute and on the streets.

Why do we choose to believe this?

I believe there are several factors.  First off, we don’t believe in our inherent worthiness.  We have been given messages, subtle and not so subtle, our entire lives that we should act small because we are small.  For the record, this is a FLAT OUT LIE.

Another reason: we haven’t learned that we are the source of our own abundance.

We haven’t had enough practice actively and consciously creating our own experiences. We haven’t realized that everything that shows up in our life, good or bad, comes from the thoughts we choose to believe and act on (based on the things we came here to learn but that’s another post).  It’s that simple.

And, that hard.  Changing our beliefs requires looking at our life from a different perspective and then continuing to chose that perspective throughout each day even though our brain wants to insert the habitual beliefs that we have been thinking our whole lives. We have to practice the new thought, over and over, just like we would practice learning a new language, by speaking it over and over, even though we are butchering it to death when we first start out.

We learn a new language of self-love.

And we need to ask ourselves, ‘Why do I want to believe that old thought?  What am I gaining from that way of thinking?”.  Many times, we can’t answer these questions because we don’t know why.  We don’t realize that we picked up the belief that “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” because our grandmother used to say that to us when we were little.  We have lots of these unconscious beliefs floating around in our brain and we act them out every day in our lives, even when they aren’t working for us.

I invite you into the realm of conscious creation, my dear friends.  I invite you to figure out the beliefs that are keeping you stuck in situations that you wish you weren’t in.  And then, I invite you to create new beliefs and habits that create the beautiful life you came here to experience.  If you’d like help with that, shoot me an email at kimberly@kimberlycoaches.com.  This is something I’m getting really good at and I’d love to share my tricks with you.

In love and light,

Kimberly

Boundaries

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One of the big topics I touched on a few posts ago is letting go of toxic people.  This is a subject that I see come up over & over again and one that, unfortunately, I’ve had a lot of practice dealing with.

Having toxic people in your life can be one of the biggest drains to your life force energy that is possible, whether it’s a family member, friend, boss or co-worker.  As long as you are engaging with people who don’t respect you or treat you with love & kindness, you will be emotionally exhausted.

The first step is to recognize & accept that you have this dynamic working in your life. Some people know exactly who these toxic people are but some of us haven’t fully named it as such because we make excuses for them or keep giving others the benefit of the doubt or ‘second’ chances.

The best way to know is to check in with how you feel after you have interacted with the person in question.  Do you feel happy & light or do you feel like a grey sludge has just been poured over your entire body?  Other feeling clues: you’re anxious, fidgety, agitated, queasy in your stomach, you feel like a boulder is sitting on your chest or your throat feels closed off and clamped shut.

Toxic people get a charge off of others they attack so you could also feel drained or wiped out.  That’s because they literally just sucked your energy out and took it for themselves.

Your energy belongs to you.  You cannot afford to allow this exchange because over the long run, having less life force energy wreaks havoc on your physical & emotional health.

So, you have to set up BOUNDARIES.  Most women are not good at this because we aren’t ever taught how to do it.  Not only that, we’re taught that if we do, we’re a bitch.  We get these messages on so many levels that it can feel completely overwhelming to even know where to start.  But make no mistake, this is an essential learned skill, just like learning to drive or how to feed yourself.  It is not only OK to put up boundaries, it is your right.

It takes practice & determination and, step by step, it gets easier.  Eventually, after you’ve done it enough times, you start to see clearly when new situations arise whether stronger boundaries are required.  You set them up at the start and find that you rarely have big situations to deal with anymore.  Life gets easier and you have more energy to do the things you want to do.

I know putting up boundaries can be really hard which is why I’m offering my assistance if you find yourself in a place where you need to extricate yourself from one or more toxic relationships. I am debuting a new coaching model that will give you access to me any time of the day or evening in the moment you need help.  You can buy a monthly package that allows you to call anytime for support & clarity until you feel like you are through to the other side of your situation.  Go to my coaching tab to learn more.

As we put better boundaries in place, we find that less draining people show up and more empowering people come in to fill the void.  In order for this to happen, though, you have to make the decision that you deserve to be treated with respect and you have to hold firm when others test that decision.  Doing this work will empower you in a way that will improve every area of your life.  It can be messy but so very worth it!!!

In love and light,

Kimberly xo

Wonky Eyes

Health is a funny thing.  For most of us, when we’re young and strong, it’s not something we think about much at all, save for the occasional virus, sports injury or hangover. The middle years bring pregnancies for some of us and that entails some of the most intrusive ‘healthing’ you can go through, as a doctor is up in your intimate business on a monthly, then weekly basis.  You surrender to the intrusion for the sake of the dear one growing inside you.

After going through this process five times, I found that my health changed dramatically. That and the culmination of years of bad habits coming back to bite me in the ass.  My body reached a tipping point of enough is enough from which I have never come back.  For many years, I operated from the idea that someday, if I do everything just right, I will recover the health I used to have.  In other words, the kind of health where I don’t have to think about being healthy every minute of the day.  Now, I’ve realized in these last few months, that’s not going to happen,

I am sinking into the surrender of what is.  This, right now, is my ‘good’ health. Today, with all my my aches and limitations around food and wobbly energy is my ground zero, my starting point, my reality.

Don’t get me wrong, surrender doesn’t mean I’m going to lay off all the diligent good habits I’ve adhered to throughout the last decade and a half.  No, quite the contrary.  Those efforts have kept me a high functioning sick person for years.  Those efforts have kept me from going full blown MS or Lou Gehrigs or whatever autoimmune issue I would have fallen into.  So that will remain the same.

But my attitude has changed.  I’ve realized that I can no longer live in a state of wishing things were different.  Because that is a place of weakness and I want to be the most powerful version of myself that I can be.  I will no longer play victim to my circumstances.

We all have some area of our life that feels ‘less than’ we had hoped.  Sometimes there are multiple areas, usually around money, relationships, looks and health.  None of us gets a pass on hardship.  Even those that look like their lives are perfect carry some type of cross, guaranteed.

The trick is, what do you make it mean?  How much do you let your perceived ‘less than’ control your life?  Do you put it front and center and filter every life experience through that broken lens?  Or do you decide to have a good life anyway?

That’s what I decided to do.  I don’t know how many years I can continue to keep my body functioning at a decent level, but the truth is, I never did.  There are no guarantees about anything.  I could let that depress me or I could live each day to my fullest capacity like the gift that it is.

Our perception drives our reality.  What will you choose to perceive?

In love and light,

Kimberly xo

Let go and get free

 

It has been a few years since I’ve written here and as I come back to this WordPress landing page, I am having a rush of memories from the time in my life when I used to post here.  SO much has changed since then and, most importantly, I have changed, from the inside out.

A huge part of this change came from all that I’ve let go, so I thought it would be interesting to make a list in black and white.  Sometimes it’s good to take inventory so you can see how far you’ve come. 🙂

First and foremost, I let go of all things toxic.  This seems like it’s not a big deal, but it actually encompasses every area of my life and is the single biggest change accelerator I could have employed.  I grouped these toxins into five big categories:

  • toxic people, neighborhoods, school systems and houses (I let go of two in the last four years.)
  • toxic food, cleaning products, toiletries, make-up, hair dye, medications
  • toxic water, air, yard weed killers and fertilizers
  • toxic habits, thought processes, expectations, routines, and work life
  • toxic spending

I could write a blog post on each of these areas, and I probably will, in time.

Along with all that, I let go of tons of stuff!  With two downsizing moves, this was inevitable, and the truth is, I’m still getting rid of things.  I’m in the process of selling some of the last pieces of furniture that wouldn’t fit into my small three bedroom.  And I’ve been going through my closet with an even more discerning eye.  I’m really liking the idea of doing a capsule wardrobe.  This will force me to distill my style but that is a process that I am well acquainted with.

You see, everything I have done in the past four years has been about distilling my life down to the essence of what I want it to look like.  Sometimes the process has been messy and painful, but it has been incredibly worth it so that I can be where I am now, which is free and emotionally and physically healthy.

Freedom is one of my core values.  In order to be free, you have to live from your truth.  You have to have space to create from.  You can’t be free if your life and body are sluggish and weighed down with toxins and stuff.  It’s a simple idea that is sometimes hard to grasp and untangle from.  And, it’s the best place to start.

I got really clear about my values as I started out four years ago and this has made all of the letting go so much easier.  I’ll talk more about core values another time, but until then, I invite you to think about what you can let go of.  It doesn’t have to be all at once. In fact, I recommend tackling just a few at a time so you don’t go into a life herx*. 🙂  If you want help getting started or putting a plan into place, you can contact me below.

 

*Herxheimer reaction: a reaction to endotoxin-like products released by the death of harmful microorganisms within the body during antibiotic treatment, resulting in systemic inflammatory response.

Transformational Life Coaching

One hour

$75.00

 

Mother’s Daze

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As I was dropping off my kids today at school, I was the recipient of road rage from two separate middle-aged women.  The first one was angry at me because I decided not to run a red left turn arrow.  The second one sped past me with her window down screaming GO!! when there was clearly no where for me to ‘go’.  I was following a long line of cars on a very busy street.  I wanted to say to them both, “Sweetheart, you clearly need to get a meditation/mantra practice.  Preferably one you can use in the car.”  Clearly, they were both stressed out and over-scheduled.

I am assuming these women were both moms since we had just come from the drop-off queue, so I want to offer them and all the other wonderful mothers out there a little perspective.  You have to take care of yourselves before you take care of anyone else.  I know a lot of your mouths just fell open, but bear with me and think about if any of these realities might apply to you. 1) You are with your children but you don’t hear a thing they’re saying because your mind is so focused on your to-do list for the day. 2) Your seven year old accidently knocks over a cup of juice (for the 3rd time this month) and you go ballistic because you just can’t ‘do’ one more thing.  or 3) You are at your child’s recital that you have practiced lines for for the last month but you keep zoning out and looking at your watch.  If any of these apply to you, it is obvious that you have no reserves left.  You have been so busy getting all of the kids where they need to go, with the permission slip signed and the $5.00 fee, in the right outfit, teeth brushed, hair combed, good breakfast in their stomachs that you forgot to have a life.  Of your own.

Not only that, but you forgot that you have permission to do just that.  As moms, we keep waiting for a break in the chaos to take time for ourselves, do things that feed our soul and put a smile on our face.  Things that only we take pleasure in.  But here’s a lesson I learned the hard way:  There will never be a time when there isn’t one more load of laundry or a darling child who needs something.  We have to take a stand in the middle of the chaos to carve out our own time.  Usually, whatever needs to get done can wait a little bit.

This is something I have struggled with for a long time and I have consciously been working for the past year to put a daily practice into my routine that is only for me.  It looks something like this: Wake up 30 minutes before the kids so that I have time to meditate/pray for 15-20minutes and quietly go over my goals for the day.  Practice yoga at least 2-3/wk (Yoga classes can be found at any time of the day making it easier to squeeze them in.). In the car by myself, I either listen to 80’s dance music that totally pumps me up or I listen to one of the many inspiring authors that I am interested in.  I regularly schedule in time to pursue things that interest me like concerts, art shows, nights out with my friends, lectures, massage, etc.  The point is that I build in time throughout the week for myself.  Dates on my calendar that are non-negotiable unless someone needs to go to the hospital.  And then, once a year I take a small (or big) trip without the family to get a break and gain some perspective on my life, usually in April before the crazy end of the school year crunch and looooong summer break.

You may think that there is no extra time to do these things, but I assure you, there is.  If you take a hard look at your life and all the commitments that you have said yes to without consciously deciding that it fits in with your life goals, you will see that there are pockets of time that you could re-dedicate to yourself.  And maybe your kids don’t need three extra-curricular activities each.  They will thank you for the extra time in their week to do what they want, as well.  Trust me, if I can do it with five kids, you can do it, too.

What I am telling you, dear ones, is that this is a practice.  One that I recommitted to working on, myself, at the life-coaching retreat that I just returned from.   You have to constantly calibrate your thinking to allow space for yourself in your own life.  No one else will do it for you.  And the rewards to your family and all your fellow drivers are profound. Because when you live from a place of contentment and happiness, you can’t help but have that spill over into every interaction you have with other people.  It is a gift you will give the world.

So on this Mother’s Day, I hope you will take an hour to yourself and make a plan, a new schedule, that will make yourself a priority again.  I promise, your kids will love the new you.