Your Most Badass Friend

People talk a lot about how we need to love ourselves more and how self-esteem is one of the most important things to develop but I’ve never heard anyone talk about the real reason why it’s so hard to do that.  The truth is, in order to love yourself, you first have to like yourself and most people aren’t living in a way that allows them to do that.

Let’s take a step back for a moment and think about the traits you admire in your most badass friend.  If you don’t have one of those, think of someone you think is super cool and make a list of all the qualities that you most admire about them.  For me, that list would include: generous, honest, fearless, kind, shows up even when things get tough, fun to be with, brings out the best in others, lives her passion, expresses her true self freely and I could go on, but this is a great start.

Now, I want you to think about if any of these traits that you so admire about your friend could be said about yourself.  To use my list, I would ask myself: Am I generous, honest and fearless? Do I bring out the best in others? Am I living my passion? etc.

If the answer is no to any of those questions, I know I’m not living in a way that makes me want to look myself in the eyes in the mirror.  I admire those traits because those are things I truly value.  And if I get real with myself, the no answers tell me where I’m not living up to my values.

You hear the phrase, ‘Speaking truth to power’ thrown around a lot right now in the media, but I’m more interested in speaking truth to ourselves.  We hold the power to shape our own worlds but most of us distract ourselves from this fact so that we don’t have to do the things that would help us become our most authentic self.  I know because that was me.  But I grew tired of making excuses.  I wanted to be the person I knew was inside me, the one wanting to be all those things, the one to receive self-love and self-respect.

I encourage you to be honest with yourself.  What would you have to do to earn your own respect?  What traits would you need to develop in order to be your own badass best friend?

That’s the blueprint for your best life.

And if you need someone to help you get there, I’m your girl.  I’ve walked that path.  Just give me a shout in the coaching tab.

In love and light,

Kimberly xo

Black

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Black is my color. Not because it is my favorite color to look at but because it’s the color I look smallest in. I know I am not alone in this. Millions of women across the world feel the same way. And this is never more true than after the birth of a baby, or after a very long winter cooped up in the house power snacking or during perimenopause which I am now intimately acquainted with. The fact is that I have been trying to divorce those last 15 pounds for about 10 years now, which, by the way, just happens to be the age of my youngest child.

Normally, this doesn’t bother me too much. But lately I’ve been thinking a lot about self-image and how our society pins labels on us. This is mostly because my 12 year-old daughter is in the middle of trying to figure this puzzle out and has been asking a lot of questions lately. I am alarmed to find that some of the questions are about classmates who have started bingeing and purging and other bad habits related to low self-esteem. Somewhere along the way, our girls are picking up the idea that they are not good enough just the way they are.

As moms, we learn the true meaning of unconditional love from the actual act of ‘momming’. We would jump in front of the proverbial train to save our kid’s life. It doesn’t get much more unconditional than that. And yet, in our society, we put all kinds of qualifiers on love. We see this every day in the conversations we have, the movies we watch, songs we listen to, etc. The message always seems to be ‘You are lovable when you look pretty, wear the right clothes, become athletic and perform like a pro, get the grades, keep your room clean, and on and on….

I’m wondering how much of this ‘not good enough attitude’ comes out of my mouth at home? How often am I too critical when I’m correcting her or looking at myself? How many times have I deflected a compliment because I didn’t really think I deserved it? How many unconscious ways have I shown her that I don’t think she or myself is good enough?

I know she is watching because the other day she said to me, “Mom, why do you wear so much black? Are you trying to be a Goth?” Luckily, I didn’t say “Because I’m too fat.” But who knows what has slipped out when I wasn’t really thinking? The bottom line is that our daughters won’t love themselves unconditionally until we, as moms, learn to love ourselves that way. Once we give ourselves the love we so willingly give our children, we won’t feel the need to correct all those external things about ourselves or them. Maybe then our girls can find some peace.

And instead of trying to make ourselves smaller to fit into the world’s idea of ‘right’, let’s emulate for our daughters what it means to show up BIG, as our own authentic, lovable selves just the way we are. And if that happens to be with an extra (__fill in the blank__) pounds, so be it.