Wonky Eyes

Health is a funny thing.  For most of us, when we’re young and strong, it’s not something we think about much at all, save for the occasional virus, sports injury or hangover. The middle years bring pregnancies for some of us and that entails some of the most intrusive ‘healthing’ you can go through, as a doctor is up in your intimate business on a monthly, then weekly basis.  You surrender to the intrusion for the sake of the dear one growing inside you.

After going through this process five times, I found that my health changed dramatically. That and the culmination of years of bad habits coming back to bite me in the ass.  My body reached a tipping point of enough is enough from which I have never come back.  For many years, I operated from the idea that someday, if I do everything just right, I will recover the health I used to have.  In other words, the kind of health where I don’t have to think about being healthy every minute of the day.  Now, I’ve realized in these last few months, that’s not going to happen,

I am sinking into the surrender of what is.  This, right now, is my ‘good’ health. Today, with all my my aches and limitations around food and wobbly energy is my ground zero, my starting point, my reality.

Don’t get me wrong, surrender doesn’t mean I’m going to lay off all the diligent good habits I’ve adhered to throughout the last decade and a half.  No, quite the contrary.  Those efforts have kept me a high functioning sick person for years.  Those efforts have kept me from going full blown MS or Lou Gehrigs or whatever autoimmune issue I would have fallen into.  So that will remain the same.

But my attitude has changed.  I’ve realized that I can no longer live in a state of wishing things were different.  Because that is a place of weakness and I want to be the most powerful version of myself that I can be.  I will no longer play victim to my circumstances.

We all have some area of our life that feels ‘less than’ we had hoped.  Sometimes there are multiple areas, usually around money, relationships, looks and health.  None of us gets a pass on hardship.  Even those that look like their lives are perfect carry some type of cross, guaranteed.

The trick is, what do you make it mean?  How much do you let your perceived ‘less than’ control your life?  Do you put it front and center and filter every life experience through that broken lens?  Or do you decide to have a good life anyway?

That’s what I decided to do.  I don’t know how many years I can continue to keep my body functioning at a decent level, but the truth is, I never did.  There are no guarantees about anything.  I could let that depress me or I could live each day to my fullest capacity like the gift that it is.

Our perception drives our reality.  What will you choose to perceive?

In love and light,

Kimberly xo

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