Your Most Badass Friend

People talk a lot about how we need to love ourselves more and how self-esteem is one of the most important things to develop but I’ve never heard anyone talk about the real reason why it’s so hard to do that.  The truth is, in order to love yourself, you first have to like yourself and most people aren’t living in a way that allows them to do that.

Let’s take a step back for a moment and think about the traits you admire in your most badass friend.  If you don’t have one of those, think of someone you think is super cool and make a list of all the qualities that you most admire about them.  For me, that list would include: generous, honest, fearless, kind, shows up even when things get tough, fun to be with, brings out the best in others, lives her passion, expresses her true self freely and I could go on, but this is a great start.

Now, I want you to think about if any of these traits that you so admire about your friend could be said about yourself.  To use my list, I would ask myself: Am I generous, honest and fearless? Do I bring out the best in others? Am I living my passion? etc.

If the answer is no to any of those questions, I know I’m not living in a way that makes me want to look myself in the eyes in the mirror.  I admire those traits because those are things I truly value.  And if I get real with myself, the no answers tell me where I’m not living up to my values.

You hear the phrase, ‘Speaking truth to power’ thrown around a lot right now in the media, but I’m more interested in speaking truth to ourselves.  We hold the power to shape our own worlds but most of us distract ourselves from this fact so that we don’t have to do the things that would help us become our most authentic self.  I know because that was me.  But I grew tired of making excuses.  I wanted to be the person I knew was inside me, the one wanting to be all those things, the one to receive self-love and self-respect.

I encourage you to be honest with yourself.  What would you have to do to earn your own respect?  What traits would you need to develop in order to be your own badass best friend?

That’s the blueprint for your best life.

And if you need someone to help you get there, I’m your girl.  I’ve walked that path.  Just give me a shout in the coaching tab.

In love and light,

Kimberly xo

Boundaries

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One of the big topics I touched on a few posts ago is letting go of toxic people.  This is a subject that I see come up over & over again and one that, unfortunately, I’ve had a lot of practice dealing with.

Having toxic people in your life can be one of the biggest drains to your life force energy that is possible, whether it’s a family member, friend, boss or co-worker.  As long as you are engaging with people who don’t respect you or treat you with love & kindness, you will be emotionally exhausted.

The first step is to recognize & accept that you have this dynamic working in your life. Some people know exactly who these toxic people are but some of us haven’t fully named it as such because we make excuses for them or keep giving others the benefit of the doubt or ‘second’ chances.

The best way to know is to check in with how you feel after you have interacted with the person in question.  Do you feel happy & light or do you feel like a grey sludge has just been poured over your entire body?  Other feeling clues: you’re anxious, fidgety, agitated, queasy in your stomach, you feel like a boulder is sitting on your chest or your throat feels closed off and clamped shut.

Toxic people get a charge off of others they attack so you could also feel drained or wiped out.  That’s because they literally just sucked your energy out and took it for themselves.

Your energy belongs to you.  You cannot afford to allow this exchange because over the long run, having less life force energy wreaks havoc on your physical & emotional health.

So, you have to set up BOUNDARIES.  Most women are not good at this because we aren’t ever taught how to do it.  Not only that, we’re taught that if we do, we’re a bitch.  We get these messages on so many levels that it can feel completely overwhelming to even know where to start.  But make no mistake, this is an essential learned skill, just like learning to drive or how to feed yourself.  It is not only OK to put up boundaries, it is your right.

It takes practice & determination and, step by step, it gets easier.  Eventually, after you’ve done it enough times, you start to see clearly when new situations arise whether stronger boundaries are required.  You set them up at the start and find that you rarely have big situations to deal with anymore.  Life gets easier and you have more energy to do the things you want to do.

I know putting up boundaries can be really hard which is why I’m offering my assistance if you find yourself in a place where you need to extricate yourself from one or more toxic relationships. I am debuting a new coaching model that will give you access to me any time of the day or evening in the moment you need help.  You can buy a monthly package that allows you to call anytime for support & clarity until you feel like you are through to the other side of your situation.  Go to my coaching tab to learn more.

As we put better boundaries in place, we find that less draining people show up and more empowering people come in to fill the void.  In order for this to happen, though, you have to make the decision that you deserve to be treated with respect and you have to hold firm when others test that decision.  Doing this work will empower you in a way that will improve every area of your life.  It can be messy but so very worth it!!!

In love and light,

Kimberly xo

Wonky Eyes

Health is a funny thing.  For most of us, when we’re young and strong, it’s not something we think about much at all, save for the occasional virus, sports injury or hangover. The middle years bring pregnancies for some of us and that entails some of the most intrusive ‘healthing’ you can go through, as a doctor is up in your intimate business on a monthly, then weekly basis.  You surrender to the intrusion for the sake of the dear one growing inside you.

After going through this process five times, I found that my health changed dramatically. That and the culmination of years of bad habits coming back to bite me in the ass.  My body reached a tipping point of enough is enough from which I have never come back.  For many years, I operated from the idea that someday, if I do everything just right, I will recover the health I used to have.  In other words, the kind of health where I don’t have to think about being healthy every minute of the day.  Now, I’ve realized in these last few months, that’s not going to happen,

I am sinking into the surrender of what is.  This, right now, is my ‘good’ health. Today, with all my my aches and limitations around food and wobbly energy is my ground zero, my starting point, my reality.

Don’t get me wrong, surrender doesn’t mean I’m going to lay off all the diligent good habits I’ve adhered to throughout the last decade and a half.  No, quite the contrary.  Those efforts have kept me a high functioning sick person for years.  Those efforts have kept me from going full blown MS or Lou Gehrigs or whatever autoimmune issue I would have fallen into.  So that will remain the same.

But my attitude has changed.  I’ve realized that I can no longer live in a state of wishing things were different.  Because that is a place of weakness and I want to be the most powerful version of myself that I can be.  I will no longer play victim to my circumstances.

We all have some area of our life that feels ‘less than’ we had hoped.  Sometimes there are multiple areas, usually around money, relationships, looks and health.  None of us gets a pass on hardship.  Even those that look like their lives are perfect carry some type of cross, guaranteed.

The trick is, what do you make it mean?  How much do you let your perceived ‘less than’ control your life?  Do you put it front and center and filter every life experience through that broken lens?  Or do you decide to have a good life anyway?

That’s what I decided to do.  I don’t know how many years I can continue to keep my body functioning at a decent level, but the truth is, I never did.  There are no guarantees about anything.  I could let that depress me or I could live each day to my fullest capacity like the gift that it is.

Our perception drives our reality.  What will you choose to perceive?

In love and light,

Kimberly xo

Let go and get free

 

It has been a few years since I’ve written here and as I come back to this WordPress landing page, I am having a rush of memories from the time in my life when I used to post here.  SO much has changed since then and, most importantly, I have changed, from the inside out.

A huge part of this change came from all that I’ve let go, so I thought it would be interesting to make a list in black and white.  Sometimes it’s good to take inventory so you can see how far you’ve come. 🙂

First and foremost, I let go of all things toxic.  This seems like it’s not a big deal, but it actually encompasses every area of my life and is the single biggest change accelerator I could have employed.  I grouped these toxins into five big categories:

  • toxic people, neighborhoods, school systems and houses (I let go of two in the last four years.)
  • toxic food, cleaning products, toiletries, make-up, hair dye, medications
  • toxic water, air, yard weed killers and fertilizers
  • toxic habits, thought processes, expectations, routines, and work life
  • toxic spending

I could write a blog post on each of these areas, and I probably will, in time.

Along with all that, I let go of tons of stuff!  With two downsizing moves, this was inevitable, and the truth is, I’m still getting rid of things.  I’m in the process of selling some of the last pieces of furniture that wouldn’t fit into my small three bedroom.  And I’ve been going through my closet with an even more discerning eye.  I’m really liking the idea of doing a capsule wardrobe.  This will force me to distill my style but that is a process that I am well acquainted with.

You see, everything I have done in the past four years has been about distilling my life down to the essence of what I want it to look like.  Sometimes the process has been messy and painful, but it has been incredibly worth it so that I can be where I am now, which is free and emotionally and physically healthy.

Freedom is one of my core values.  In order to be free, you have to live from your truth.  You have to have space to create from.  You can’t be free if your life and body are sluggish and weighed down with toxins and stuff.  It’s a simple idea that is sometimes hard to grasp and untangle from.  And, it’s the best place to start.

I got really clear about my values as I started out four years ago and this has made all of the letting go so much easier.  I’ll talk more about core values another time, but until then, I invite you to think about what you can let go of.  It doesn’t have to be all at once. In fact, I recommend tackling just a few at a time so you don’t go into a life herx*. 🙂  If you want help getting started or putting a plan into place, you can contact me below.

 

*Herxheimer reaction: a reaction to endotoxin-like products released by the death of harmful microorganisms within the body during antibiotic treatment, resulting in systemic inflammatory response.

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